American Buddah in the East China Sea

FUKUOKA PART III

2006-06-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

FUKUOKA Part III

Okay, so I made it to the docks and found the ferry. I boarded with my two new friends and we set off for Japan. The ferry was very comfortable and we made it over in about 3 hours.
As we came out of customs, we had to wait on Brian, of course, because his passport had fallen apart. We ran into a man who had just made the same run we were and he gave us great directions on how to get to a hotel and to the consulate. We decided to head for the hotel first and drop off our stuff because the consulate would be closed for lunch if we went straight there.
We hopped on a bus, but while we were waiting we meet Julie. She was great. Canadian, cool, and only caught her saying “Eh,” a couple of times. So now our party was up to four. We got off at the wrong bus stop, and I asked a man in a store where the Central hotel was located. He pointed down the street and said, “Past the big camera.”
So we walked looking for a big camera. We found that he meant this huge video screen showing advertisements. And sure enough, there was the Central Hotel. We all checked in and then rested a while and then decided to brave the subway instead of the busses. On the way Julie looked down and saw a key. She picked it up and looked at me. I said, “We found a key in Japan.” Sounded like the start of some scary David Lynch flick! But alas, we hadn’t time for that adventure and went on to the subway.
The subway was very posh. This underground terminal stretched for miles under the city and was filled with posh shops. I guess I should take time here to mention the fact that Brian, the Texan, was on a 24-hour quest for female companionship. God Bless him and his youthful stamina. The only problem was he kind of took it too far when it came to not respecting his environment, but hey…who would ever have thought a Texan to cross boundaries?
At one point we’re all looking for our way up out of the subway and we’re running around trying to find UP when I started laughing. They all stopped and I said, “Guys, we’re on The Amazing Race.” It was just like being on that show. We laughed and then headed on UP, me looking for a flag or a sign pointing to the next Road Block.
We got all turned around in this one neighborhood and actually came across two interesting things: a cemetery and a car whose make was “NAKED”. We eventually found the consulate and hooked up with Eddy from the boat and a guy named Johnny from Deagu. So he forever more will be known by the gangster sounding name Johnny Deagu! He was cool as hell. He wore a cool hat and actually pulled it off! He had that geek-chic-Elvis-Costello thing happening. Very cool.
We made it to the consulate, I paid my $60 dollars or 6,000 Yen. I paid for some passport photos I didn’t know I needed and turned in my paperwork and my passport. It was a strange feeling walking out without my passport. On the way out we hooked up with David and Jonah, two Americans. So now our party had swelled, we decided to head back to the hotel. It was at this point I realized that I had about five dollars in Yen and thought I needed to get some cash exchanged. So once back near the hotel, I excused myself to search for an exchange bank that I had found out about from the hotel. They had even given me a paper with directions.

AT THE EXCHANGE BANK

Needless to say I searched high and low and it took me over and hour of searching four city blocks to finally locate this mythical exchange bank. At one point I thought I had found one, but it was closing. Just my luck!
I went to the second floor and by this time I was exhausted, still coughing and oh, have I mentioned that I hadn’t eaten ANYTHING all day? And here it was almost five o’clock. Anyway, I must have looked like the Foreigner of the Living Dead because when I sat down, the nice lady behind her desk literally gave a squeal of surprise. Yes, a Squeal!
We began making our transaction and she must have counted my money about twenty times before punching it in a calculator and showing me. I asked if there was any water and she put her finger up to her mouth like a Japanese librarian and said, “Shhhhhh.” I almost started laughing. I guess my question was throwing off her twenty-first time counting my twenty dollars.
Then she disappeared behind a partition and I can only assume continued her counting. I was so exhausted by this point I literally almost fell asleep right there in the chair, but I’m sure if I had they would have thought me dead and it would have caused quite a stir. Anyway, the nice clerk returned with a laminated piece of paper with lots of English phrases and she would point to one and then the next and we carried out our business. All the while her coworkers stuck their heads out giggling. I was the show for the afternoon. Anyway, when we had concluded our business I was still chuckling inside at the thought that I had been shushed for asking for water, until I left and was standing by the elevator. A door nearby opened up and out popped the nice clerk who had helped me. She tossed me a cold bottle of water and put her finger over her lips again and said, “Secret.” She smiled. I smiled. It was great.

SEARCH FOR THE HAPPY COCK BAR
I got back to the hotel and crashed. We had a plan to meet up about 7pm and find a restaurant. Of course they all deferred to me new-found expertise of the area since I had spent so long looking for the bank. We found a nice place with photos outside of the food they served and it looked pretty good, so we went inside. The menu was plastered on the back of this stringless guitar, pretty cool. We passed the guitar around and ordered and had a nice relaxing dinner. Then Brian announced that he knew of a place called the Happy Cock Bar and we had to try to find it. Well there was no way I was going to miss out on seeing what a Japanese Happy Cock looked like, so I was in if for no other reason I wanted to hear this Texan ask again and again where he could find the Happy Cock! Unfortunately when we found it, it was closed down for a private party. The others set out for finding a new bar, but I was still hacking my lungs out and decided it was best to go back to the hotel and rest.

FUKUOKA Part II

2006-06-08T02:02:00.000-07:00

General Cho at the Tower Motel

I was driven to the bus station by Chung Moo Nim, my movie buddy from Friday night. I loaded up at 7:30 and promptly passed out. The director was so sweet. She had asked me my symptoms during the day and had gone out and gotten medicine for me to take. I also had my diabetes medication, so I guess you could say I was packing some drugs. If anyone at customs decided to look in my bag, there might be a problem with my little traveling pharmacy.
I made it to Pusan by bus in only 2 hours and with the kind help of a Mr. Lee (go figure) I traveled 45 minutes to the south side of Pusan. I tried two yogwons (sort of a Korean Hostel) before deciding on splurging for a real motel. Yes, I splurged on what many here consider a luxury…a hotel with a shower in every room. I got a room at the Tower Motel at around 11 pm. I was going to grab a bite to eat, but when I saw the bed, I hit it hard and didn’t look back.
For some reason my sleep was very troubled with waking terrors from dreams where I had seen through an alternate universe and everyone was in a circus. At least I have memories of people on trapezes. Who knows? Anyway, I could see that their world wasn’t reality; it was a cover up. And the more I noticed this, the more it was falling apart. Then the people in the dream began to notice that my reality wasn’t changing and there fore figured I was the one causing the reality change. Whenever they got close to figuring it out, I’d wake up scared to death. Then I’d blow my nose…my reality. This went on hour after hour. This must have been the result of my med-soaked brain.
Checkout the next morning was strange. There was a very handsome Korean guy who saw my room key and promptly asked, “Did you enjoy your stay General Cho?” Not that I didn’t enjoy the delicious bizarreness of this moment, but all I could think was “General Cho’s Chicken” is that spicy chicken we always get at the Chinese buffets that I love. I thought momentarily what it would be like to “BE” General Cho for a moment, to just step right into his identity and demand my car and driver or at least some complimentary nuts from the mini-bar. But then who knew if General Cho had assassins awaiting him around every corner with diabolical plots to eradicate his chicken recipe from the general population! So I simply showed the handsome man my receipt and he giggled nervously – hopefully signaling the ninja assassins hiding in the paneling that I was not their target!

The FUKUOKA Adventure

2006-06-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

Pre-FUKUOKA Adventure in Andong

So my weekend started off great. I went with Chung Moo Nim, a guy I work with, to dinner Friday after work and then to see a Korean movie called 팩 차 which translates as “City of Violence.” But we got the timing wrong and ended up seeing, yes, you guessed it, “Mission Impossible: III” (for me…the third time). I’ve officially seen this film more times than Tom Cruise.
After the flick, Chung Moo Nim drove me to the big dam on the Nak Dong river. He showed me the Moonlight Bridge, this beautiful bridge made of pine. It crossed the whole river. There was a village called Moon Shadow Village that was below that got flooded when they dammed the river. There’s a huge pagoda halfway across and there were several couples enjoying the ambiance.
I got home about 12:30am and I crashed. I mean literally crashed. For some reason I got so sick I didn’t leave my apartment for two whole days. Hell, I didn’t even leave my bed on Saturday except to avoid enuresis. I could feel my throat fighting an infection. I had a sweating fever. I didn’t eat at all Saturday, but I did keep a bottle of water handy. On Sunday I managed two small pieces of bread and a half a spoon of peanut butter. I figured I could use the protean. And here I was about to embark on my work visa run to Japan on Monday.
The minute I walked in to work they could tell I wasn’t well. I could see it in their faces. I figured I’d stick it out so the director wouldn’t worry while I was gone, but by lunch I came down with a crippling headache. I literally couldn’t take my hands off of my head. It hurt so badly. And of course my bottle of Tylenol Extra Strength was back at the apartment. So I snuck out to get them. Yes, it had also started raining. I think I’m embodying the “pathetic fallacy” at this point. I mean really, who is Art Directing this scene?
I made it through to 6 p.m. and at 6:15 I was told to go eat but be back by 6:40. Impossible to do here logistically, so I went to the local Kosa Mart and grabbed some cereal and milk and ate back at the school. So with my head still pounding, a fever burning me up, snot clogging up every breathing channel, and it was time to leave for the bus station.

A Rose by Any Other Name

2006-05-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the weekend started off rainy, but by Saturday the humidity set in and it was HOT! Not like Africa-hot, but more like sweat-trickling-down-your-back-and-soaking-your-shirt kind of hot. Pleasant until someone sits next to you and you realize that you have a distinct odor about you. Of course I then worry that they will think all Americans stink. Being an ambassador is hard enough…being one judged on his B.O. is entirely too much responsibility. Oh were I in France like my friend Jonette, then these matters of scent were rendered mute. I’d simply splash on some toilet water and go about my business.

But seriously it turned out to be a beautiful weekend. I did my usual early morning loads of laundry and hung them out to dry on the roof of my apartment. There’s a pretty good view of my section of town from the roof. There’s also a little garden up there that’s the hang out for what seems to be ALL the local bees. I gave them their space.

There’s something to be said for clothes dried in the wind and sun. One they are stiff, but more importantly they have that fresh scent that in America technology has placed in the products we use in our laundry. Sure here my dress choices are affected by weather patterns, but in the end, I kind of like my stiff-air-fresh-smelling clothes. They help cover up the sweat smell I accumulate throughout the day.

I have to admit that the smells of Korea are much nicer than the smells were in Egypt. About the worst smell I have encountered is when I walked by a restaurant and they had garbage piled up on the corner waiting to be picked up. I also walked past several fish restaurants that had tanks in the window. Just like the fancy ones back home where you get to pick out your fish or squid or whatever creepy crawly you’d acre toe at only hoping that it will be cooked and not still creeping and crawling. The frightening thing is every now and then I walk past a restaurant that has a dog or two tied up out front and I think the same thing, “Do I get to pick the dog I want to eat?” Yeeeee!

Teacher's Day, What a Concept

2006-05-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful day Monday was. Here I am miles away from home and I've only been here and week and already I get gifts from students because Monday was National Teacher's Day. What a concept...a National Day of thanks for teachers!

I mean teachers aren't really that special are they? To have a whole day to celebrate them? Of course we have Arbor Day so if we can celebrate trees then why not teachers? We have Columbus Day to celebrate a man who almost single handedly wiped out an indigenous people. So why not teachers?

We have Thanksgiving where we remember and give thanks to the people who exploited the Native Americans who helped them survive their first winter on the continent, and we repaid them by slaughtering them, taking their country, and giving them lovely imported diseases making the Native Americans really wish they had stricter immigration laws back then. So why not teachers?

I mean I only got nice socks, a cool key chain, a spiffy handkerchief, and a box of Chrysanthemum Tea with a note from a mother that read, "Dear teacher, When my son is troubling, please drink this relaxing tea." And it was signed "Mother of John".

I mean weren't our mothers and father our first teachers? Don't they deserve a day? Okay, we DO have Mother's Day and Father's Day, but no matter what job you have...didn't someone teach you how to do it? And didn't someone teach THEM how to do it? Hmmm, I'm beginning to like this idea more and more. Imagine a world where teachers don't have to use their own money to buy supplies for their classrooms. Imagine a world where teachers are respected by both the students and the parents. Imagine a world where to polite way to address a stranger is by calling them "Teacher". Then you'd be imagining South Korea!

Subtle Things 2

2006-05-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

Something else that I've noticed that's different here is the fact that instead of napkins, the Koreans use toilet paper in restaurants to wipe their mouths. I mean they have the cutest toilet paper canisters to disguise it, but you pull on it and it still comes out toilet paper.

Now to the sheepish, they might think this gross, but it's very practical. One...toilet paper is cheaper than napkins and two you know it's soft and absorbent, so what more could you want.

I also think it's cool how we count differently. When Americans count we start with our index finger as ONE and go until our thumb comes out to make five. In other words we count OUT. Korean people count IN. For ONE they bring their thumb into their palm (which looks like our FOUR) and then they pull in their index finger for TWO and so on until their FIVE looks like a balled up fist. If they count backwards then they make the fist and start with the pinky going up. It's very cute.

The final difference I've noticed is their concept of etiquette is so wonderful. If you and a friend are in a restaurant and you order Coke, in America they bring two cokes...in Korea they bring one Coke and two glasses and you share. When that's done, they bring another Coke and you continue sharing. It's considered polite to pour for the other person too. It's not a very big deal, but it makes me feel special to know I am sharing a Coke with a friend rather than two friends drinking Coke. Semantics, I know, but it's my way of having a Coke and a smile!

It's the Subtle Things

2006-05-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

One thing that I am getting reacquainted with is the subtle differences in culture between America and Korea. I have to say there's something really childlike and comforting about taking your shoes off when you come to work and putting on slippers. I know that sounds ridiculous, but imagine how the world would be if everybody did that. I mean how hard-core thug could high school kids be wearing bunny slippers?

Take that a step farther and imagine what it would be like to sit at your cubical pounding out a long list of telemarketing, having to deal with every jerk who hangs up on you, filling your day with nothing but tension...but you're wearing nice comfortable slippers. You can even wiggle your toes and imagine that the people hanging up on you are wearing theirs as well.

Of course the next logical leap would be to imagine the President of the US trying to negotiate war strategy in a snug fitting pair of slippers...nothing designer or anything that complicated, just a worn and comfortable pair of brown house shoes. He'd be like, "You know, I thought it'd be worth bombing that country, but my feet just feel too good to think about all that. Let's give peace talks one more try!"

Can you imagine a whole world wearing their house shoes at the same time? It's easy if you try.

A Test in Trust

2006-05-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

So the other night I came down with a raging ear ache. I mean it was the kind that had one side of my head throbbing while the other side felt like it was falling off. It started coming on as Harry (the director's son) and I were on our way across the street to the E Mart (picture a Korean Wal-mart). By the time I got back, I thought I'd just go to bed and ignore it. But infections are tricky.

So about 10:30pm I got up to ask the Director to drive me to the hospital. I felt bad because she had just had her weekly message and now here I was stressing her out. She drove me to the pharmacy and they gave me some drugs. I took them not knowing what they were. In Korea they often times cut out the middle man doctors and pharmacists prescribe what they think will help. Well, it did help and I was able to sleep until about 3am so I took another round. I was fine by morning, but I couldn't hear a thing.

I went to work and it only took one class of screaming kids to bring back the pain. So during the lunch break the director drove me to a clinic where she said, "Dis is famous doctor!" I expected Marcus Welby, but alas it was a tiny woman hiding behind a green face mask. I was thrid in line in her office and she was just moving people through at a whiz-bang pace. I think she was a little annoyed that I didn't speak enough Korean to tell her what was wrong. She looked in my ear and declared, "Infection!" I assumed since my sinuses were clogged on the way here that the pressure from the 14 hour flight had taken its toll.

Here's where the big trust came in. This tiny woman manhandled my head, cranking it to one side. She placed her elbow on it so I was pinned to the chair and then she took a thin rod and twirled it around my ear. It wasn't painfull, more than annoyingly surprising. Then she poured drops in (which I hate), and blocked it all up with a cottn ball and then sent me to a seat where my head was stuck under what appreared to be one of those heat lamps they use to keep french fries hot at McDonalds.

They sent me next behind a curtain where they gave me a shot in the hip. No one bothered to tell me what kind of shot it was, but since I have not seen any pink elephants or started smelling colors, I assumed it was an antibiotic. The whole visit cost about $8 bucks. That's probably why she worked at such a harried pace. No HMOs here. Just cash money! My head was still throbing by the time we got back, but I assumed the medicine would kick in soon. I mean I got drops, drugs, and a shot! This infection didn't stand a chance.

I went back this morning for a check up and they prescribed a few more weeks of pills and I got the heat lamp treatment and drops again. The pain has gone mostly, but I still have trouble hearing. Talk about trust, these people could have given me anything and I just took it blindly. That's either a testiment to my stupidity, their hoensty or both.

Partying Korean Style

2006-05-08T17:03:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, first day on the job and already I get to eat cake! It was one of the kindergartener's birthday and his mom brought a huge cake. They give all the kids here western names which is odd to me. The coolest name so far is Thunder. Maybe I'll get to pick out a few. I can't wait to have a few Ezra's or a Thomas Sterns running around.

I also love that for breakfast this morning I had cuttlefish (squid for those who don't know) with mayonaise and watermelon. Yep, the watermelons here are round, by the way...and seedless for the most part. The Koreans don't really have a distinction for food like breakfast food or dinner food. It's all good all the time.

I get my apartment on Thursday so I'm sure that will be interesting. I'm living in the director's home right now which is beautiful, so I'm sure my humble hovel will be a let down, but we'll see.

I get to teach the middle school kids today. Let's see what their names are...maybe I'll find Lightneing!

It Only Took 29 Hours

2006-05-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

Howdy,
Well, my journey began at 6am when the alarm went off and Persephone and Dad had already left for the horse show. Mom drove me to the airport where I boarded Delta Flight "Fed-me-only-a-bag-of-Fosrer's-Honey-Roasted-Peanuts" to Dallas. Once there I hopped on their version of the Disney Monorail and whipped to the D terminal where I could see a great big Korean Airline plane sitting.

I boarded without incident after calling Mom and Dad at their "Pig Picking" event at church...don't ask...and found out that the horse show went well and Taz got a few points. I'm sure Persephone is proud.

I ended up sitting next to a 72 year-old Vietnamese woman who was just delightful. She was tiny and sat crossed-legged the whole trip. She had beautiful salt and pepper hair pulled back in a tight bun. Her English wasn't very good, but then again...much better than my Vietnamese which consists only of phrases I picked up from war movies which I dared not repeat.

Those who know me know that I'm a movie nut and if they're showing a flick on the plane...I probably won't be sleeping. And the movies they were showing were Narnia, Memoirs of a Geisha, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, and a cool Korean film called The Jester which was like their version of Brokeback Mountain.

The flight to Seoul took 14.5 hours on the dot and we arrived at 4:30pm Korean time. I still haven't set my watch yet!

I arrived and made it through customs without incident (I don't know why I always feel like Billy in Midnight Express every time I go through cutoms at an airport!). Needless to say I was pretty tired at this point. I walked through the sliding glass doors into the main terminal and began looking for my name on the many cards held by those there to pick up foreigners. I saw "Richard" on a few cards and investigated only to find out I was not their Richard.

I paced with my luggage cart back and forth for about an hour trying to make myself look conspicuous. After all I'm kind of hard to miss in a crowd of Koreans! I am the American Buddah after all!

I decided the best thing to do was sit and wait. So I bought me a big ole bottle of water, and I sat next to the Information desk (where I had been having Tino paged - after visiting the Internet lounge and sending him an e-mail letting him know I was at the airport.) Okay, I need to confess. I got on the plane in America without having Tino's cell phone number or even the name od my school I'd be working for. I know, right?! hehehe

So I plopped down next to the information booth where they had a flatscreen showing the last Lord of the Rings movie and waited for three hours before this frantic man came running in with my name on a piece of paper. He didn't speak English so I knew it wasn't Tino. I knew Andong was a three hour train ride ahead of me, but Tino had arranged a driver to take me there.

We arrived in Andong about 11pm that night and I was greeted by the director of the school. I stayed at her house that evening and had breakfast with her husbnad and son the next morning. I am about to go see the school for the first time. It seems I'll be teaching mostly rugrats and ankle bitters. They're gonna love the Buddah!

Catch ya latter.

On Tidy Endings

2006-05-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

Howdy,

Well, I got me e-ticket in the e-mail and wish there were some way I could e-fly my fat butt through the Internet rather than the 14.5 hour flight I will have to endure in two days. It's a longer trip though, I fly from here to Dallas, and then from Dallas it's 14 hours. Yikes, the physicas that will keep a flying hunk of metal and my fat butt in the air for 14 hours befuddles me.

I'm still here at my university finishing up last essay grading and most of the students did well. A few were even able to snatch the pebble from my hand and earn their right to move on. It's been a great semester and they were an interesting class for 80 students.

The excitment continues to build to a furious whimper as more of my family become aware of my emminent departure. I ran into my neice Hannah about to take a test as I came in today and we swapped hugs. I don't know if they really know what to think about Uncle Bric. It has been the biggest sacrifice in our travels not being around family, but they've been raised right and have inherited the Barker sense of humor, so they'll be fine. Much love to all of them and to all the family who won't find out I've left until they get a Christmas card with me eating a dog on the cover!

Whatever, I'm outta here for now. Don't know if I'll have a chance to blog again before I go, until next time...sa rahng, ya'll!

Last Night of the Living Dead

2006-05-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

Well, news of me getting this job overseas has spread like wet flint. Nobody cares! Not very surprising. It is my last night here at work at my night shift job at KidsPeace and it's sad, but time to move on. I just hate that I won't get a chance to say goodbye to all the kids here, but alas, that's the occupational hazard of working the graveyard shift. They are asleep when I get here and asleep when I leave. I'll just say that I will miss my reading group very much.

More later on all the errands I've been running. I found out almost immediately that I have to leave for Korea on Saturday. I spoke with Julie from the school where I will be working and she sounded very nice. Tino called several times making sure he was booking me to leave from the correct airport. I feel very well taken care of.

I got to spend the whole day with my daughter, Persephone. She played hooky from school and get this...it's becasue she overslept, but when I asked her she said, "I just wanted to spend the day with my daddy!" Yeah, right!

Anyway...I'll try to hit this again before I set foot on the plane. Only 5 more days until I'm back in Kimchi heaven!!!!

What was I thinking?

2006-04-30T00:52:00.000-07:00

SO what was I thinking when I sent my contact info to that "Teach English in Korea" ad anyway. I have already been to South Korea and had an amazing life there for two years. It couldn't possibly be the same experience. So what was I thinking?

Well, I geuss I was thinking I was tired of working two jobs and still living check to check and trying to keep my daughter from having to share the Kibbles & Bits with the dog. My daughter...oh yeah...I have to tell here today that her father has just accepted a job teaching overseas and will be gone her senior year of high school. That's gonna suck. Or maybe she'll love it. Who knows.

By the way...my name is Bric and I have had a pretty amazing life up until now. Ups and downs, to be sure, but amazing. I am the single parent of an adopted daughter. We've been together for more than 17 years...just us. And yes I have dragged her all over the planet with me on my English teaching adventures. We've been to South Korea, Cairo, Egypt, and Beirut, Lebanon. We've been scuba diving in the Red Sea, hell...her first concert was Sting at the pyramids. Where do you go from there?

Things have been tight financially for us since I bought a house last year, so taking this job is sort of my way of keeping the house. Of course that's the paradox...I have to go overseas in order to keep my house. I don't think I'll be renting it out seeing as I am way too lazy to move all my crap again. And besides, I've got family nearby who have agreed to keep an eye on the house.

So I'm sending my contract for this new job out on Monday and I had a conversation with a nice guy named Tino. I liked his laugh. He's setting me up in Andong, so we'll have to see where this leads. Feel free to keep me company on this new adventure. I always seem to find the funny side of things abroad. I mean I'm probably the only man who has ever been able to track down Microwavable Pork Rinds in a Muslim country! I gots me some skills!

More later as things develop. Peace